I Must Be a Toilet or Something

The week isn't even over yet and I have already experienced a few disturbing things already. Yes, I have been the victim of a crime so repulsive and disgusting that I even hesitate to put it on my blog. Two different people on two different nights took it upon themselves to "blank" on me. For those of you who don't know, "blanking" is Breba's word for farting. She finds the "f" word offensive (go figure) and so refers to it as "blanking." And since I don't know how sensitive my NUMEROUS readers may or may not be about that apparently "vulgar" word, I shall henceforth refer to it as blanking. Anyway, on Tuesday night I was being righteous and sitting attentively in my Institute class minding my own business and listening to my teacher. I was sitting next to this one guy and things got real ugly toward the end of class. He shifted in his chair to put his arm around his fiance on the other side of him, tilted his butt off his chair and aimed "it" at me, and ripped the biggest blank you ever heard on those cold metal chairs. I whipped my head around in disbelief, he acted like nothing happened, and I was left to wallow in his stinky filth. I am not even kidding here. It was loud. Shelly was even sitting next to me and heard it and the girls in the row behind me heard it, I know they did. I dared not look at them cuz I knew I would be overtaken with a fit of giggles, but I KNOW they heard it too. I mean seriously, how can someone so blatantly blank like that in class and then act like it was no big deal? And how is that person even engaged still? Anyone see anything wrong with this picture? Well, I was offended. I think he purposely did it right on me to seek some sort of revenge on me. I am not sure what I did to deserve it, but I know I shall never sit by him again.

And last night at basketball, a certain person (who I will call "Mary" to protect her identity) who I was guarding kept blanking all over the court all night. I was her confidant and didn't tell anyone it was her (although people kept complaining that something smelt like dirty diapers), and she and I laughed all night about it. Well, after the third or fourth time, people were starting to blame me. Why does everyone always do that? I NEVER blank. EVER. So why I should be subjected to their jeers and taunting, I will never know. Anyway, after I started to get blamed for the offensive smells, I threw my "buddy" under the bus so to speak and ratted her out. I refuse to be blamed for something that I did not do. She was embarrassed to be sure, but I was vindicated and that is all that matters.